I told you all in a bout of ridiculous boldness that I have started writing all the fan fiction that has sat in my head for too many years. I have posted part of the story that stuck with me the longest and I’ve had the awful realization finally that not everyone will love what I write as much as I do.
That’s right, I got my first bad review! I must admit, I foolishly thought I could brush them off and keep going. I was horribly, utterly, completely, and most irrevocably wrong! It broke my heart to hear someone tell me they did not like my character or her/my story. It was like a slap to the face, to be honest and now I find myself a bit…lacking in inspiration. I told myself I wanted to be a writer more than anything in the world, I told myself I understood that not everyone would like what I had to say. But I was lying, as I think on some level all writers lie. I knew, obviously that not everyone in the world would like it, but that definitely didn’t stop me from hoping they would. From hoping by some miracle everyone would feel for my character what I felt, and love her story as much as I do.
I feel like the wind has been ripped from my sails and all that my character was and could have been is seeping out of my pores. Of course I suppose it doesn’t help that I sat there obsessing over the review and reading it over and over again until i had it practically memorized. I shouldn’t have done that for sure. I also shouldn’t have sat there obsessing over what she/he had called my character, a clone…a clone! I was particularly insulted on that front I must admit because I put a little piece of me into that character and I can’t help that the original character she was accused of being a clone of reminded me and quite a few others of myself. I am nobody’s clone, thank you very much! Even if that statement was not meant directly for me it felt like a personal insult, as I suppose any backlash for any of my stories would, but still! It was like accusing me of having no imagination. I spend most of my life imagining something more interesting. How could someone see something so different in her than what I see?
The Eagle Scout thinks I’m being insane I’d wager. He sighs as I obsess, the poor thing. I have obsessed quiet a bit. I’m sure hearing it as much as he has would make anyone tired of it. But i just want someone who understands why the idea of even one bad review upsets me so much. I pour my heart into everything I write, I may hate writing it sometimes, and the writers block makes want to toss the pen aside and claim absolute defeat sometimes, but I wouldn’t keep writing it if my heart wasn’t in it. So a bad review feels almost as though a piece of my heart has been rejected. seriously, ouch!
Am I crazy? I’m sure the answer is probably yes, and I might even need to reconsider my career choices if I can’t handle a bad review on a piece of work that I have only reworked from someone else’s beautiful mind. But still, am I really crazy?