I keep having this dream where I’m hanging out with Chow Mien and the weird thing about it really is that there is absolutely nothing weird about it. We talk just like we always used to and we act just like we always used to and…well, it could almost pass for real life except that it is nothing like my real life anymore. We saw each other a few days ago when I was hanging out with her brother’s boyfriend, and she wouldn’t even look at me. It was weird, and it cut into my heart life a psycho with a spoon. What I mean my that is it was deceptively ineffective, but the determination and intensity with which the psycho enter into this endeavor to hurt me caused the spoon to be effective and unfortunately much slower than a knife so the pain lasted much longer and by the end death was but a welcomed friend.
Do I seem a bit over dramatic in my explanation of this chance (and yet not so chance) meeting? Yes, well, I guess I had just hoped that she would miss our friendship as much as I do. I guess I had also hoped that she would make the effort I had asked of her. But, I guess I should have taken into consideration that she had a habit of ignoring me for long periods of time with no apparent signs of missing our friendship and been more prepared for the seemingly relieved reaction I have received from my decision to stop putting in more effort than she did. Oh, how stupid could I have been thinking she’d suddenly decide to fight for our friendship. Even more foolish of me was assuming that an army of my friends would rally behind me in my time of need. What the hell did I think I was living, Braveheart? Yeah, not one of my brightest moments. ….ok, how melodramatic was that?
No, really, did I sound like a sad soap opera? (Is sad soap opera considered redundant?) Not going to lie to you guys it felt a little good to be a bit melodramatic. But that’s enough of that. In all seriousness that first paragraph was pretty on point about my feelings and the situation I wanted to write to you about. It’s pretty frustrating to keep having these dreams, and it’s not helping me feel any better. But on a really funny note I have been writing so much lately. And for all of those who have been with me since the beginning, you remember me telling you about that HP fan fiction I thought about writing for years? The funny thing about writing is that once you start it’s hard to stop sometimes. And since I hit a wall with the To Survive story I started that fan fiction. Can you believe that? I finally started putting it to paper and since I actually started letting people here read what I’ve written I’m considering posting that somewhere too! The writing really does help. I like having this whole other world where even when bad things happen I have the power to make things turn out the way I want. I love being able to give even a fictitious character more than I ever had. I can give my characters all that they desire, or I can do better and give them all that they need. And it’s fun. And it is really, at this moment, the only light in my life. If I decide to post that fan fiction somewhere I’ll let you guys know ok?
And lastly, I’d like to take a moment to thank all of you. I am one follower away from 80 and that to me is so beyond anything I could’ve ever hoped for on this blog. I am shocked, honored, and overjoyed that you all enjoy what I have to write. I appreciate every like, every comment, and every follow that I get and I thank you all for the confidence you give me to keep writing. Alright, that’s it for the mushy stuff. Have a good day guys. And, as always, thanks for reading.