Things Fall Apart

….not that god awful book we had to read in high school, no, things have actually fallen apart in my life right now. Semester is over, and I found with a horribly sickening twist of my stomach that I have failed my very first college course ever. What’s worse it was the course I took with the professor I love, you know the one who does human sexuality and psych of women and gender? How embarrassing! Then I realized that between work and other classes I completely neglected her online assignments and that’s why I failed…I couldn’t believe how much of an idiot I had been. It wasn’t even a hard class! it just slipped through the cracks…and it sucks. But that I can deal with over everything else.

Chow Mein and I are no longer talking…I know, how painfully high school drama of me. But she made the decision to choose her awful excuse of a person (girlfriend) over our friendship and unless she feels I am worthy of a place in her life I won’t force it. I did my best to tell her that I would never make her choose and that I could put my differences with that thing aside since Chow claims it makes her happy but…apparently I just wasn’t worth the time. And that has slightly alienated me from my other friends because we all spent a lot of time together and well…I guess it’s like a divorce when the couple splits the friends have to pick a side and I am just that type of person whom nobody ever seems to mind letting go of. I’m seriously starting to wonder why I ever started to make friends that were actual people and not characters in books to begin with. I miss my book friends, they were so much easier. When they pissed me off I set them aside, when I missed them I began to read again. They never seemed to mind when life kept me from spending as much time with them as I wanted and they never chose other people over me…they were smart enough to know there was enough of them printed to go around. Best of all, they always worked out their problems in the end.

The lack of social time wasn’t just caused by the break up though. Not too long after my friendship fell apart so did my car. My sister was practicing on it and crashed…and now I have lost my car, am ten seconds from losing my job and five seconds from losing my mind. You all have no idea how good it feels to vent all this btw. No adult (or human for that matter) contact has been driving me absolutely bazonkers (way worse than bonkers for those of you who have never heard this word before). With the car and Chow Mein both gone my only real social interaction has been friends who are willing to drive me around like I didn’t finally get my license and the eagle scout.

Unfortunately, the Eagle Scout is also one of the problems in my life right now. It has come to my attention that I might be dating a man-child. He is completely childish in some of the worst ways possible, bad with money and cares more about spending time with friends than me. Great example, we were supposed to spend the day together and he is sitting in the living room playing video games with one of his best friends. I really just can’t stand how much of a child he can be sometimes. I can’t stand that sometimes I feel like it should be obvious what he’s done wrong and he looks at me completely dumbfounded and hasn’t a clue what he did. Mostly, I hate how much of a clichéd girl I sound like right now. I had really hoped I’d be less obnoxious than this in a relationship. It just seems really bad when earlier today we were saying how happy we were together and now I don’t even want to be in the same room as him. That’s a bad sign right?

Is this what being an adult is? I must ask all of you who are older and wiser than I. I mean I thought the whole responsibilities thing was bad enough, now there are problems that need to be solved and I’m the one who must solve them? People are older and yet they still bring just as much drama as they did in high school? I had really hoped at least that part had passed. And some men just never grow up? I guess to be fair neither do some women. Is there anyone out there who is still friends with the same people they were friends with in high school? Is there anyone out there who actually married their high school sweetheart and didn’t get divorced? I’m really starting to feel like being an adult is ten times worse than being a kid and that means everything I thought when I was a kid is so completely wrong it’s embarrassing…I really don’t want to be completely wrong. What are the upsides to being an adult guys? Other than all the legal stuff like drinking and voting…is there anything other than that that’s nice about being an adult?

Ok, I think I’ve finally gotten it all off my chest. I guess I’m just bummed being 22 sucks this much. Actually it’s really just been the month of May. All this crap happened just this month, except the man-child, I’ve just started loosing all patients for it this month. I guess I just had hoped that crap like this wouldn’t keep happening as I got older. I figured drama was over by high school, or I hoped it would be. I figured everyone grew up at the same rate and I guess I was wrong. Sorry to vent all this crap to you guys but thanks for sticking it out with me. I promise to post more interesting stuff soon, and as always thanks for reading.



Filed under books, college, family, life, love, thoughts

2 responses to “Things Fall Apart

  1. I must say …im 25, i still deal with nonsense….im am feeling as you are about many aspects…


    • geekylola

      Thanks for reading, and talking to me. I hope it gets better for both of us as we get older. Maybe people will begin to mature with us finally.


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