So, I’ve been thinking a lot…not that it’s anything new. But it is too much for my brain to deal with at this moment and since I have a blog might as well use it to clear my mind and talk like someone actually cares. Sorry if you don’t btw. I’m definitely warning now that this is a lot of random thoughts and ideas coming up.
First, I’ve retaken up archery lol. I stopped during the winter even though in Florida winter isn’t a real season. It’s just not 90 degrees out everyday anymore. So, everywhere else it would be fall or spring. I felt so good actually attempting to use my awesome bow again. Best part was that I legit hit the target several times! I was totally Brave mode…in that completely not Mérida type way. I think I’m still a bit away from hitting targets from a moving horse…or horseback riding in general, but I’m slowly working my way to apocalypse status. Woot! I still hope I don’t ever have to shoot my own food though. Like, I’m perfectly aware that it’s a bit hypocritical that I will eat a burger without a second thought but I never said I was the look it in the eyes and kill it type. I am fine paying someone to kill my meat for me and if you think that’s sad you can suck it. I’m not above being a hypocrite as you can see. But I digress, archery is coming along great.
I finally have a job and am just as broke as I ever was. My meager 8 hours were cut to 5 1/2. I’m so lucky to have anything though so I can’t bring myself to complain any. I keep having to buy birthday presents as well which is killing me. I know too many people born in the summer. July to be exact. It’s so painful at this point I can’t stand it. Why is the act of giving presents such a social necessity? Now I sound like Sheldon Cooper. I wonder how many of you watch The Big Bang Theory. I love that show, it’s so nerdy/geeky funny. I usually learn things as well when I’m watching. Anyway, point is I hate work. I hate people who come into my job to order food. I just don’t like people in general and working in any service industry makes you realize how much you don’t like people.
I miss being an introvert. I really and truly do. I am tired of my friends and I’m tired of talking to random people at parties those friends invite me to. I don’t like parties, big crowds, or alcohol. I’m the least college-y college student. I have social anxiety and my eagle scout is painfully social. How did this happen. I miss having time to read an entire day away. And I miss losing sense of time in a geeky movie marathon. I miss not having to talk unless I was at school and even then sometimes not talking all day. I miss daydreaming Harry Potter fan fiction without interruption. I am shamefully unashamed of that fact. I miss not having to have conversations because I honestly am just an awkward person and I spend most conversations thinking of ways to be liked and not be awkward. People don’t get my humor or sarcasm so I have to change it and I’m tired of that too. I’m tired of having to always be “doing something”. It’s this weird thing social and active people like to do. I hate it. I like being stationary to an extent. I like not “doing” anything and I like giving that answer and not being expected to change that. I hate the forcible “doing something” friends thrust upon you when you tell them you aren’t “doing” anything. I’m just not a social person. Or at least I wasn’t until I met the eagle scout. He’s so social, I had no choice but to become social as well. And I’ll be honest, back then I wanted to social life. I wanted to see what partying was like and hang out and always be “doing something” I even liked it for a bit. But now I miss what I didn’t realize being so outgoing was forcing me to let go of, I miss saying I’m not a people person or that I’m an introvert and having people believe me. I miss saying no and not being questioned about why I’m saying it or being asked if I’m ok. I just want to not deal with people for a bit. Is that messed up? Does that make be a bad social person or friend?
That’s really the main mind cluster. Sorry if you don’t care about any of this. Just needed to clear the brain out. Spring cleaning of the mind, if you will. Good night, and as always thanks for reading.